Tuesday, January 30, 2024


An Ode to That Which Was Never

 

Standing

Toes dangling over the crumbling precipice

A gentle breeze

Swaying in the spring air

Decay sweetly assaults the senses

So thick it cannot escape the mouth.

No longer wanting to fall

Not able to breathe

Frozen lungs

thawing a little.

Shouting Shouting Shouting!

Gibberish caught and mangled by the wind

Swept off to nowhere.

Unheard, or resolved not to hear.

Afraid of annunciations. Sounds.

Daydreams of words drifting down

Cottonwood clouds

Translated into meaning.

An apparition.

fever dreams.

Toes slide from the edge

Carried to the door and down the stairs.

Friday, December 28, 2012

12/28/12

She sits alone


Stares at her hands

Tries to get comfortable on a chair with uneven legs.

the rain outside falls

steadily

quietly.

It drains will.

Blankets and muffles everything

but the thoughts in her head

Smashing against her eyeballs,

her eardrums,

her sinuses.

Trying to find an escape.

She stifles them. Keeps them banished.

Never will they see the world.

They revolt. Take bits and pieces of her.

Miniscule amounts of humanity. Soul.

murdered in retaliation.

The bodies never found.



She stares at her hands.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Private Eyes Are Watching You 2.0

Private Eyes Are Watching You.


Jonathan sat up suddenly. He had been laying on the couch, reading a book when what sounded like a knock came from the outside wall in his living room. That didn’t make sense to him. That meant someone would have to be knocking from the outside of the house, against a wall with no windows, for no discernable reason. And if someone was out there knocking, the motion detecting flood lights would have come on. He glanced over to the clock on the cable box. It read 12:45am. He chalked it up to late night jitters and paranoia. He lay back down and attempted to get back into his book.

Two minutes later, he heard another knock. He ever-so-slowly and methodically put his book down on the coffee table as if he was moving through molasses. As the book gently began to rest against the table, another knock came; this time much louder, and knocked at even, short intervals four times. He jumped up, and the book and his glass of water crashed onto the table, soaking the book, and his feet as the water sloshed its way off the coffee table. He knew he heard something that time, and that someone was on the other side of his wall. He began to think to himself that if someone was on the other side of that wall it wouldn’t take them long to realize that they could just move around to the back side of the house and have access through the windows. The worst part he thought was that the windows were all wide open. It was a beautiful night, and a nice cool breeze had been blowing in. His sudden fear had pushed his brain into fight or flight mode, and really more flight, than fight. He wanted nothing to do with going near those windows. The knock came again, this time more hurried. However, it sounded like it was moving up the side of the house… to the second level…where his wife and kids were sleeping.

Jonathan finally got hold of his senses, and ran out of the living room and upstairs to the master bedroom. His wife was sound asleep. He paused at the door in the dark. The bedroom window was open here also. And then he heard the knocking again. Right there at the window. The cause of the knocking sat staring directly at him; his bedroom blinds. The blinds had been gently swaying in the breeze, and occasionally would knock against the window sill when a slightly stiffer gust would blow in. Since this window and the windows in the living room were directly above and below each other, it must have caused the knocking to sound like it was coming from outside. How his wife managed to sleep through the commotion, he had no clue, but at least he now knew what had frightened him.

He headed back downstairs, and checked the back door. He noticed that the back light hadn’t been switched on, and cursed himself. Had someone really been out there he would have never known. He then went and shut the windows and continued to read. The motion lights came on a couple times, but when he looked outside, all he saw was some leaves blowing around, and once there was a rabbit munching on a dandelion. The knocking continued, but was much quieter with the windows shut, and no longer sounded like it was coming from outside. Jonathan finished another couple chapters, and decided to head to bed.

As he turned off the lights on the main level, and walked past the front door, he couldn’t help but feel like there was something out there. He peered out the tiny glass window of the door, and saw nothing but his quiet suburban street.
“Just a little jumpy still from earlier” he said to himself.
Still, he headed up the stairs at a quickened pace. He got ready for bed, closed the window in the bedroom, and then climbed into bed with his wife and promptly fell asleep.

The next morning his daughters were outside playing in the backyard. Amelia came running into the house.
“Daddy! Daddy! How come the side of the house is all dirty?” she exclaimed.
“What do you mean?” he asked. He and his wife were fairly methodical about keeping a clean house.
“There’s feetmarks on the house!” Amelia stated. Jonathan was about to ask Amelia to show them to him, but just then, Abigail came walking in. She was older by two years then Amelia, and with all the wisdom her five years could muster stated “Amelia, don’t you know ANYTHING?? That’s where the doggy climbed up last night!”
“What dog?” Jonathan asked.
“What dog?” asked Amelia.
“The doggy that talked to me last night.” Said Abigail. “We talked about you Daddy. I wanted to come get you so you could meet him, but he said I couldn’t. That I couldn’t tell…UH OH! I wasn’t supposed to tell you about him.”
“You must have been dreaming.” He stated. “Dogs don’t talk, and can’t climb houses”.
“This one can! He’s a big doggy. He has red eyes, and looks scary, but was nice to me. He said tonight we could go play together.”
“Abby, it was just a dream.”
“IT WAS NOT!!! I’ll show you! Come look where he climbed up.”

Jonathan took both his daughter’s hands and walked outside. They led him around to the same area he thought he heard the knock the night before; the outside wall of the living room that had no windows. And up the sides of the house, in the siding, where what appeared to be dried muddy foot prints. Large, dirty, somewhat canine looking with pads and claw marks gouged into the vinyl siding. All the way up to the second floor. He couldn’t see any marks, but he scanned over the backside of the house looking for more prints, or anything out of the ordinary. And at his daughter’s window, he saw that the screen appeared to be pried at and bent from the window.
“See daddy, the doggy wanted to play. He said we can tonight when he comes back!”

Abigail, let go of Jonathan’s hand, and ran off to play on the swingset.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Song for the Dead 2.0

Song for the Dead.


She scurried from the kitchen, around the corner and into the living room. The worn and faded oak floor was cold on her bare feet. Goose bumps raced up her naked legs, but terminated where the bottom of his t-shirt met the middle of her thighs. She plopped down on the couch, careful not to spill the bowl of Marshmallow Matey’s she held in her hands. The boy who lived here was still asleep. His roommate was never around; he was probably at his boyfriend’s apartment again. She turned on the television. MTV was playing a marathon of “Undressed”. She found that as acceptable breakfast entertainment and dug in. She felt comfortable in his tiny apartment. Something about it just felt right.

The boy woke and sleepily shambled down the hall to the living room, pausing to take in the scene before him. She sat on his couch slurping up the last of the milk from the cereal bowl, wearing nothing but his Get Up Kids t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts. His heart nearly burst with joy, and although he tried not to, he couldn’t help but grin. He hadn’t seen her in two years, and now here she sat in his living room.

She saw him standing there grinning. She could tell immediately this had been a mistake. She loved him, but knew he loved someone that no longer existed. It had been two years since they had last seen each other, and that distance fueled much of what led up to this point. She started sobbing.

He stood there, saw the color go from her face, and saw her start crying. He walked over and put his arm around her. She shrugged him off. He again tried to just touch her, to provide some comfort, but she again rejected his attempt at comfort. She stood up crying, and walked back to the bedroom. He meekly attempted to follow, but she locked him out. He pleaded with her to open the door, to just let him in, and to talk about whatever was bothering her. She said nothing. She opened the door, walked out fully dressed and left without saying a word.

She couldn’t leave fast enough. Every minute there had felt familiar and comfortable and warm and impossible. She walked out the apartment door, not even glancing back at the boy or saying goodbye. Down the stairs and out the of the building lobby, she nearly broke into a run. She slowed herself when she reached the sidewalk, and then continued down the street, talking herself back into being calm and composed. When she reached the corner, she sat at the bench, and waited for the #4 bus. She wanted to put a million miles between herself, that apartment and someone she no longer was.

AM/PM 2.0

I pulled off the road at 2:13am. I’m not sure why I remember the exact time, but it’s something that has always stuck with me over the years. I was in the middle of Nebraska somewhere, on some state or county 2 lane, making a run south to Amarillo. Back then, I tried to stay off the interstates. I always found trouble there. Or it found me. Was never quite sure. There’s less to worry about on those back roads anyway. Sure, it’s less convenient and sometimes a lot slower, but I saw more of America that way. Hell, that was the main reason I took the job. And I wasn’t afraid to drive all night. You’d be amazed at how many people won’t drive overnight.


So, like I said, it was 2:13am. Had to be late September, early October. Days were still warm. Nights were starting to get chilly, but not into frost season yet. Moon was full, and probably the brightest I’ve ever seen. Got out to stretch, took a walk around the van. I took in the sounds of prairie at night; the wind rustling the long, dry grass, a cricket chirping. The road was deserted. I hadn’t seen anyone in at least an hour. No houses out there either. I hadn’t seen anything really in quite a while. It was peaceful. Probably the most peaceful I’d ever felt. I climbed up onto the hood of the van, and spread out, resting up against the windshield. Stared into the nothingness of a sky filled with stars, it stared back. I came to a realization of how insignificant each and every one of us truly is. How can we be so self-important, when the universe could really give a shit whether we existed at all? I was as important to the universe as a single piece of sand in the Sahara was to me. Not important, significant or meaningful at all. And I was content. Something about that comforted me. Right down to my core. I guess I can’t really explain it. I hopped off the van, went over to the side of the road and took a piss. As beautiful as it was there, I had to get a move on it. I had to be to Amarillo by 3pm. Jumped back into the van, turned on Coast to Coast AM and did my best to get the hell out Nebraska.

Summer Air 2.0

The gravel spewed up from the tires as she sped away pelting him with rocks, and leaving a cloud of dust and dirt to turn his tears to tiny splotches of mud on his face. She was leaving for good this time. She wanted more than what he could give her. More than the simple life they had. More than he wanted or was capable of. He turned back to the old farmhouse, and slowly made his way back up the hill.




He headed directly for the kitchen and began to fix his lunch; a simple sandwich, potato chips and a glass of tap water. He sat down at the table and ate in silence. When he finished, he got up, washed his plate and cup and left them to dry on a worn out dish towel on the counter. He headed upstairs, and went to their bedroom to begin clearing it out.



An hour later, all of her remaining things lay in the 55 gallon drum behind the barn, ready to be burned. But he couldn’t bring himself to start the fire. The quilt she had been given by his grandmother, the framed pictures of the two of them at the Corn Palace and Wall Drug, the jacket he had bought her in Thunder Bay. Clothing, photos, her box of trinkets acquired from auctions, and trips they had taken together. A billion memories and smells and feelings all now residing in a rusted out burn barrel which he stood next to holding a jerry can of gasoline, and the Zippo his grandfather left him. He faltered as he went to pour the gas into the barrel.



All was quiet except the sound of the warm breeze pushing it’s way through the prairie grass, a cicada buzzing somewhere in the distance, the hens gently clucking around back. He stood there; eyes closed, standing in the summer sun, taking in the quiet sounds of his life. He breathed a sigh of warm, thick summer air, poured the gas in, and lit the contents of the barrel. There were chores to do.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Battles

Another Creative Writing class poem. This was supposed to be a poem about a ritual, and it was hard to find one with meaning.  It's definitely not my favorite thing I've written, but either way here it is...


Battles

Droopy eyes signal

shuffling up the stairs.

An invasion.

D-Day every night.

The master bath as Normandy.

We invade.

Take our turns rushing,

attacking.

Our teeth.

Hair.

Faces.

Scrubbed. Clean.

The battle over, we retreat

to bed.